….Duke with Alex Jones: good job, Duke
(so why do you attack me via a vast campaign of emails and phone calls, below Google radar, defaming me as a mentally ill con man, homosexual and wifebeater, when I am the veryopposite and am fighting the Jews myself and have for 36 years of immense personal sacrifice?)
…..David Duke and MK-ULTRA
David Duke denies the Pharisees did 9/11 and a comrade asks why. He sent me a copy of his email to 9/11 truther and expert Chris Bollyn. Excerpt:”I posted a comment discussing you and your book on the discussion forum below David Duke’s new video about his new book, The Illustrated Protocols of Zion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-xjLa9xrOo (My comment is under the screen name explodingbee.) I called him out for refusing to acknowledge the Jewish role in 9/11.More than a day has elapsed and so far neither David Duke nor anyone else has responded. (But I did notice that David Duke had had this video at the top of his website for some time and now there is a blank space [at the upper right of the main page] where this video used to be. Maybe he removed it because he was uncomfortable with my comment.)”
I replied: “Good for you. There are many very, very strange things about Duke. He himself told me and Margi at our apartment in Alexandria, Va. in early 2006 that the Jews did not do 9/11 and we both were taken aback. I now am going with the MK-ULTRA theory, as I lay out here in detail.
….Duke, I, and the induction of the gifted white children of US military officers into the MK-ULTRA program
[08:33:06] R: Did your parents know? They must have.
[08:34:40] John de Nugent: I think my father was told it would be some elite, top-secret program for special children who had been selected for their vast potential to be leaders. The military is always promoting elite courses and units as things to aspire for. Why not tell a proud and ambitious man (like my father) “your son could be President of the United States some day after he passes our special, select leadership training program!” The way I know my dad, he would have gotten very excited about that prospect, and he did love me.
Everything about this MK-ULTRA scenario fits, esp. the part about the military-officer father, as it does with Colonel Duke and HIS son. I met the father in 1989, btw, in Duke’s office/HQ in Metairie, Louisiana.
My father with Ronald Reagan, who twice pled with him to join the National Security Council.
Suddenly, I sensed a strong gaze on me.
I looked up from my book.
My father was looking at me with a deep look of sorrow and remorse in his eyes. I had seen my father cry just once in his life, at his father’s funeral in Cranston, Rhode Island. But I had never seen my father look at me the way he did, as if to say “I wish I could undo the past.”
Moving on to David Duke, the parallels in terms of MK-ULTRA are endless.
From People magazine, 1991 (http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20111291,00.html)
[David Duke] was born in Oklahoma, where his father, David H. Duke, 79, worked for Shell Oil as an engineer. Over the years the family, including David’s older sister, Dotti, 46, and his mother, Maxine, 77, moved frequently. The elder David was a stern, demanding father who insisted that his children excel in school. “Even during summer vacation [he] would sit us down and give us at least four hours of homework to do,” says Dotti, who is married and living in Oregon.
[JdN: WHY DO THEY LEAVE OUT that David H. Duke WAS A US ARMY COLONEL, AND GOT HIS SON David, the future Klan leader, A JOB TEACHING ENGLISH FOR THEDEFENSE INTELLIGENCE AGENCY IN LAOS — WHILE OTHER BOYS WERE DRAFTED AND SENT TO VIETNAM???? THERE IS NO MORE OBVIOUS CONNECTION TO THE CIA THAN THIS JOB!!! ]
Defense Intelligence AgencyFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaThis article is about the United States agency. For other uses see Dia (disambiguation).
Defense Intelligence Agency Seal of the Defense Intelligence Agency Agency overview Formed 1 October 1961 Headquarters DIA Headquarters, Joint Base Anacostia-Bolling,Washington, D.C Motto Committed to Excellence in Defense of the Nation Employees Classified
Approx. 17,000 (65% civilian and 35% military)
Annual budget Classified Agency executives Lt. Gen.Michael T. Flynn, Director
David Shedd, Deputy Director
Parent agency Department of Defense Website Official Webpage
Official Facebook Page
The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) is the main foreign military espionage organization of the United States, operating under the jurisdiction of Department of Defense (DoD). As one of the principal members of the U.S. Intelligence Community (IC), DIA informs national civilian and defense policymakers about the military intentions and capabilities of foreign governments andnon-state actors, while also providing department-level intelligence assistance and coordination to individual military service intelligence components and the warfighter. The agency’s role encompasses collection and analysis of defense-related foreign political, economic, industrial, geographic, andmedical and health intelligence. As part of its national IC responsibilities, DIA regularly provides input for the President’s Daily Brief.
Though sometimes compared to foreign military intelligence services, like the Russian GRU or Israeli Aman, DIA is unique in that two-thirds of its 17,000 employees are civilians and the agency’s structure bears resemblance to that of its civilian counterpart. DIA’s intelligence operations in support of U.S. national security extend far beyond the zones of combat – at hundreds of locations and U.S. Embassies in approximately 140 countries. The agency primarily specializes in collection and analysis of human-source intelligence (HUMINT), has its ownClandestine Service and is in charge of American military-diplomatic efforts overseas.
***In Dotti’s view, though, David’s relationship with his mother left an equally deep mark. From about the time David was a toddler, says Dotti, Maxine developed a serious drinking problem. Once a superb athlete, she became increasingly debilitated by alcohol, prescription-drug abuse and a series of strokes; long bedridden and her mind a ruin, she lives with Dotti. Duke’s apparent response to this behavior was characteristic of many children of alcoholics. “My brother became the perfectionist,” says Dotti. “His obsession began with wanting to right wrongs and wanting to make things go right.”
See more below on me, David Duke and MK-ULTRA: two nordic-looking boys with stern, highly connected, politically conservative military officers as fathers. And both would end up prominent in white nationalism and now as total enemies, both personally and on the key question of where our movement should go.
Duke is still into the southern and Klan approach:
as much anti-black as anti-Jew.
I am for an alliance of good Whites and good Blacks. Yes, they exist, and they hate ghetto behavior, drugs, welfarism, over-use of the race card, street crime, illegitimacy, and especially saggy pants and jew-run gangsta rap music! We stand together against the one truly dangerous enemy of all humanity, the Pharisees.
This is the authoritative book on who really proposed, financed and ran the slave trade. If Blacks were deemed useful in agriculture (cotton, tobacco, etc.), for strength, skill and ability to withstand tropical heat, then why not just ask them to come and work in the Deep South of America, why not just pay them a decent human living wage? Why on earthï¿½kidnap them from Africa, chain them up like animals, whip them, and keep them as miserable, illiterate, and naturally very angry slaves? Only a Jew would dream up such a system based on vicious cruelty and shocking greed!http://johndenugent.com/for-african-americans-part-1
750,000 fine white men died died over this slavery problem between 1861 and 1865, a huge portion of America was burned to the ground, and northern and southern Whites began decades of mutual suspicion and dislike.
And I do believe that God Almighty judges us on the content of our character and not on our skin, hair, eye color or lips.
In consciousness of a higher mission, a new radio show is about to begin, between James Rawls, Junior and John de Nugent, THE TRUE ARYAN BROTHERHOOD. Stay tuned!
Christian social nationism!
…..Huge victory of Front national in France
…..It’s the Jews, that is, it’s the Pharisees
…..This is the warning sign of the race war between Whites and Blacks the JEWS want
…. and it would cost millions of lives and oceans of tears, ending in the final Jew goal: a martial law-police state.
“No Country for Old Whites”: Elderly White people are easy targets for assault, rape, and murder…
US Navy Seals undergo training:
Underwater SEAL training — white, white, white:
….Muslims inside Denmark savagely attack pretty Danish girl with her dog
I feel for this young woman. Now we need to start a movement to make her feel safe.
…..Former WN joins me in promoting a new vision
Anyway, John, I am glad to see you’re on to what I consider a big change in the right direction. If the current WNs reject your idea, they will just continually go in circles for years and years to come. It’s all just bullshit. I am all for preserving our culture, identity, genes and all that, but there is no need to blame everyone else and make enemies of everyone else.
And especially not when our numbers are SHRINKING. We’re going to need allies, we are just 8% of the planet, and as you have stated, some of our greatest enemies are WHITE-SKINNED. The British bombing Dresden — are they any better than anyone else? I sure don’t think so. A perfect example of cooperation is Rockwell and Malcolm X at a Nation of Islam meeting.
(JdN: I attended one myself in 1985 held by Minister Louis Farrakhan, a spell-binding speaker and also singer, who sang a muezzin call to prayer in Arabic at the end to the ten thousand attendees. Farrakhan had been, btw, a gifted calypso singer when his name was Louis Wolcott, raised in Dorchester, a heavily Black section of Boston.)
Also, an amazing article on white nationalists and what it’s really about:
….Google goes easy on Duke, hard on me
On a big search engine in Germany, my name gets 1.2 million hits.http://suche.t-online.de/fast-cgi/tsc?q=John+de+Nugent&tstmp=1400816987742&mandant=toi&dia=suche_start&context=internet-tab&ptl=std
John D. NugentOn Google under “John de Nugent”, on the other hand, there are three character attacks against me that the Google jews put on page one, and two of them are placed near the top. There is the “Occidental Dissent” attack on me, near the top, or at the very top, by the Jew-lover Brad Griffin (see below), then a highly illegal phishing page on Facebook, “John de Nugent for Sheriff,” which defames me as a homosexual and “a loafer who refuses to get a job,” and finally the attack site of C.W. Porter. All three are vicious character attacks designed to dissuade white conservatives — who might agree with my views — from backing me due to my supposed rotten character. They attack the messenger, not the message.Google (which also owns Youtube) is owned by the two Jew billionaires Larry Page and Serge Brin, a Russian Jew (photo).
John D. NugentNow why does Google quasi-like Duke and hate me? There are tons of personal dirt online on Duke and his character, and I know the man, I have known him for 25 years, I know his character, and almost all of theaccusations against him are 100% true, and I say this from what I saw with my own eyes in Metairie, Louisiana and from my ladyfriend from Oklahoma, Donna Jane R., 1989-91, who was a former David Duke girlfriend:http://johndenugent.com/images/donna-jane-r.jpgIt all is true: extreme womanizing, gambling with campaign donations in Las Vegas and on Mississippi river boats, plagiarism of Dr. Pierce’s writings, his porn-making assistant, etc., etc. http://johndenugent.com/english/english-jamie-kelso-and-wife-linda-falla-defame-me-as-a-homosexual-and-pedophile-jared-taylors-jewish-wife-evelyn-rich-david-duke-and-iDuke before and after his massive cosmetic surgery — your donations at work😉So now I ask:Why is Carlos Porter allowed to live in England, where there are draconian “hate-speech” laws, and yet use the n-word (“nigger”) constantly in attacking me and calling my genuine Black friends and hard-working allies against Jewrymy (his phrase) “pet niggers”?Why is he allowed to run cartoons of Blacks with supposed monkey features?Why is he allowed to rip into Jews?Why is Porter not arrested for these “hate-speech” writings when other British comrades ARE constantly arrested, tried and imprisoned?Because IMO he has a deal with “the authorities” to stay out of jail by attacking me, someone the Jews seem to truly fear for the potential.
…..DAVID DUKE AND MK-ULTRA
I began wondering back in 2005 if any key people in the WN movement might be so-called “Manchurian candidates,” that is, captured by the CIA and brainwashed, either as kids or as adults, and turned into a being that was, in effect, remote-controlled and programmed –via intense weeks or months of mental and physical torture and certain drugs, sleep withdrawal, etc.
The purpose of this torture was and is to create a split personalitywhere one personality is “normal” and “functional” but another, newly created, is hidden and buried away. Its existence is not known to the person so tortured and so traumatized. He/she has been trained by indescribably terrible trauma and fear to carry out orders unquestioningly — stimulus-and response, like Pavlov’s dog — when a certain verbal command is given by the CIA’s contact person, triggering the action by the Manchurian candidate.
This concept of hyper-traumatic obedience training has been explored in several films, such as the “Bourne Conspiracy” movies with Matt Damon (whose character finds out, to his utter shock, that he is a highly-trained, no, a supremely trained killer, and then he seeks to help other CIA whistle-blowers on the run from the Agency while figuring out what they did to him). And of course there have been several “Manchurian Candidate” movies.
What makes this relevant to the cause of White survival is this:
Obviously, a Jew-run government would be highly concerned about American antisemitic movements and seek to infiltrate and control themas well as oppose them and keep them small, divided and weak.
“Controlled opposition” is the term used in politology.
Keep them small, weak and despised — and make sure the groups that do eke out an existence are actually run by people who consciously (or. in the case of MK-ULTRA, unconsciously) are doing the government’s bidding. If you crush a movement by brute force, after all, you make martyrs, especially in a country that supposedly values the First Amendment and free speech, and its guaranteed right to criticize the state without reprisals.
But if you simply constantly disrupt it — by having your agents inside it in key positions of leadership — it never grows, being:
1) full of constant infighting, and defamation by controlled leaders of any non-controlled and thus genuine leaders, and 2
2) promoting views that the general public will never accept, or no more than 5-10%.
Now let us define MK-ULTRA:
Here is a good but incomplete article on the CIA’s mind-control program, MK-ULTRA: http://www.wired.com/2010/04/0413mk-ultra-authorized/
This Wikipedia article on it at least admits that a Jewish psychiatrist ran it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_MKUltra
The project’s intentionally oblique CIA cryptonym is made up of thedigraphMK, meaning that the project was sponsored by the agency’s Technical Services Staff, followed by the word Ultra (which had previously been used to designate the most secret classification of World War II intelligence). Other related cryptonyms includeProject MKNAOMI and Project MKDELTA.
Headed by Sidney Gottlieb, the MKUltra project was started on the order of CIA director Allen Welsh Dulles on April 13, 1953.
In 1964, the project was renamed MKSEARCH. The project attempted to produce a perfect truth drug for use in interrogating suspected Soviet spies during the Cold War, and generally to explore any other possibilities of mind control. Another MKUltra effort, Subproject 54, was the Navy’s top secret “Perfect Concussion” program, which was supposed to use sub-aural frequency blasts to erase memory. However, the program was never carried out.
Because most MK-Ultra records were deliberately destroyed in 1973 by order of then CIA directorRichard Helms, it has been difficult, if not impossible, for investigators to gain a complete understanding of the more than 150 individually funded research sub-projects sponsored by MKUltra and related CIA programs.
[My comment: Any program designated “Ultra” obviously had the highest security classification. I find the use of the Jewish female name “Naomi” also of interest.]
The experiments were exported to Canada when the CIA recruited Scottish psychiatristDonald Ewen Cameron, creator of the “psychic driving” concept, which the CIA found particularly interesting. Cameron had been hoping to correct schizophrenia by erasing existing memories and reprogramming the psyche. He commuted from Albany, New York, to Montreal every week to work at the Allan Memorial Institute ofMcGill University and was paid $69,000 from 1957 to 1964 to carry out MK-Ultra experiments there. These research funds were sent to Dr. Cameron by a CIA front organization, the Society for the Investigation of Human Ecology, and as shown in internal CIA documents, Dr. Cameron did not know that the money originated from the CIA. In addition to LSD, Cameron also experimented with various paralytic drugs as well as electroconvulsive therapyat thirty to forty times the normal power. His “driving” experiments consisted of putting subjects into drug-induced coma for weeks at a time (up to three months in one case) while playing tape loops of noise or simple repetitive statements. His experiments were typically carried out on patients who had entered the institute for minor problems such as anxiety disorders and postpartum depression, many of whom suffered permanently from his actions. His treatments resulted in victims’ incontinence, amnesia, forgetting how to talk, forgetting their parents, and thinking their interrogators were their parents. His work was inspired and paralleled by the British psychiatrist William Sargant at St Thomas’ Hospital, London, and Belmont Hospital, Surrey, who was also involved in the Intelligence Services and who experimented extensively on his patients without their consent, causing similarlong-term damage.
…In his 2009 book, A Terrible Mistake, researcher H. P. Albarelli Jr. concurs with the Olson family and concludes that [CIA and MK-ULTRA official] Frank Olson was murdered because a personal crisis of conscience made it likely he would divulge state secrets concerning several CIA programs, chief among them Project ARTICHOKE and an MKDELTA project code-named Project SPAN. Albarelli theorizes that Project SPAN involved the contamination of food supplies and the aerosolized spraying of a potent LSD mixture in the village of Pont-Saint-Esprit , France in August, 1951.
The 1951 Pont-Saint-Esprit mass poisoningresulted in mass psychosis, 32 commitments to mental institutions, and at least seven deaths.
[JdN: Aside from the fact that it was outrageous that we poisoned people in a friendly, allied, NATO country without the permission of the innocent villagers, as human guinea pigs, or the approval of their government!]
In this fascinating and disturbing documentary movie about the Port Arthur massacre in Australia, toward the end, the brave ex-wife of a top Marine colonel named George Griffs, one Kay Griggs (in photo on left), reveals that the US had a program to turn kids via mind control into ruthless killers and hitmen.
And now I will seguï¿½ into the eerie parallels between me and David Duke and our inevitable clash — one, a man who broke free of MK-ULTRA, and another who is still its thrall.
Suppose the Jews decided to create two Aryan-looking heroic figures to be their puppets and to ensure that the white movement went nowhere despite lots of sputtering?
Suppose they went to two colonels, one Aryan and one Marine Corps, and said: “WE WANT YOUR SON FOR SPECIAL TRAINING. It is a top-secret elite program, it ius very demanding, but some day your boy might be PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.” Many a father might say yes.
My father with President Gerald Ford
I have written frequently (but mainly in the 2008-09 period) on how I woke up at age 49 to the real reason for the endless nightmares I suffered during my childhood, teenager and adult years, namely sexual abuse when I was a child. It was so bad that I have no memories of the incidents, which are totally blocked out, just every troubling sign of the abuse, such as extreme nightmares and literal fainting (losing consciousness) when shown certain images, especially the male reproductive system and genitalia. I passed out during a lecture on male anatomy at Georgetown
I remember running away from home at age ten and having memories after this date. I remember my mother feeding me a blue pill and then the world whirling about me, and seeing an old man stomp baby birds into mush before my eyes. That is a typical traumatization technique, to kill baby animals or birds before the child so as to inflict extreme terror on the child — the fear that that he would be next to be killed if he did not submit and obey.
In the worst-case scenarios, children are forced to themselves kill a baby animal such as a baby goat, or to stab out the eyes of a bunny, or — in the ultimate horror — participate in the murder of another child.
All of these techniques are used also in satanic rituals involving children: http://johndenugent.com/english/jew-senators-lead-in-screaming-for-gun-confiscation-mk-ultras-and-obviously-faking-it-actors-abound-in-newtown-massacre-government-op (Scroll down 1/4 to “====MICHAEL AQUINO”)
There ainï¿½t nothing the Jews have done worse than this. This is why judaism must be banned under the RICO Act and dissolved as a criminal, psychopathic, and truly genocidal mind CULT. It is not a religion, but a nightmare of slavery and death for all humankind.
Anton LeVay, 1930-97, founder of modern satanism, born Howard Stanton Levy
The Great Seal of the United States since 1935 (Roosevelt) has this at the top. Go out and find a one-dollar bil — and look at the back.
I watched the full (one-hour) 2003 German documentaryï¿½Hï¿½llenleben ï¿½ Der Kampf der Opfer rituellen Missbrauches in Deutschlandï¿½ (ï¿½Life in hell: the struggle of the victims of ritual abuse in Germanyï¿½). http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KoP31LIm81s
Clearly, Satanists did ritual child murders in the 1990s and in the year 2000 specifically at the Wewelsburg, the famous onetime SS school-castle (.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wewelsburg), which was many centuries oldï¿½. and in a way practical for that purpose because it had ritual rooms (it had belonged to a bishop), it had been a prison and had chains on the walls of its dungeons already.
(Castle is slightly upper-left on a hill)
A further motive for satanists: 1) desecrate it as Himmlerï¿½s castle, 2) discredit somehow thereby the SS and thus the Third Reich, and 3) try to end it as a source of some mystical Aryan power, or 4) twisting the power for evil, or, of course all of the aboveï¿½..
Cathy O’Brien on Mind Control
For those who have not experienced these horrors, the concept is that extreme trauma drives a mind to the snapping point, tha tius, to beh point of either going mad or entertaining seriously suicidal thoughts. At that point, the victim, not wishing to undergone further torture, either seeks a way to commit suicide OR his/her brain acts on its own. To prevent suicide, which would shut down the organism, the instinctual part of the brain, right above the spinal cord, which regulates survival issues, fight-or-flight, and keeps the heart pumping and the lungs breathing while we sleep as well, decides “if this person keeps having flashbacks to this memory, he will end up killing himself, and that is against my program.”
In the protective reaction known as “dissociation” (formerly called “multiple-personality disorder”) a second personality is created (or even three or four), and this alternate personality is tasked with dealing with the suffering. The main personality “forgets” it — but the word “forget” is wrong in the sense of a total deletion of the information. It is definitely still there, just buried, or, in psychological terminology, “repressed.” All that repression really means is you have put a lid on it so it does not consciously come forth. However, it is still there, like a flashback waiting to happen again, and festering like pus and bacteria.
It is like the black box on a plane, containing by design the record of the final descent, the actions of the jet and the pilots, the final screams, and the sound of the explosion.
I began to suspect something baffling when I first got married. I would have nightmares once or occasionally twice a week, and they always involved me being taken away by a man. I would scream in terror. anbd oif course it disturbed my wife greatly, and then my second wife after I divorced and remarried. I had been raised by my Pittsburgh-born father to be tough and shrug my troubles off.“Quit’cher whinin'” is a summation of the Pittsburgh mindset. 😉
So why did I have nightmares? I had never been in war or combat… (The Marine Corps and the country were at peace when I was in 1977-80, the post-Vietnam period.) Many combat vets do have nightmares or PTSD, “post-traumatic stress syndrome.” But they have a good reason — they saw heads flying off, people burning alive, children lying dead or dying, and comrades who lost their eyes, testicles or legs through a bomb. But why was I of all people having nightmares? At no time in my childhood was I ever abused in any way — psychologically, emotionally, physically or sexually. Both my parents, in fact, for all their human imperfections, were in many ways caring and responsible.
As for my family, its fortunes kept rising. We had lost almost everything in the Great Depression, including nearly losing the Ford dealership,Waddell Ford….
…but my father James…
…..became very successful as a partner in the insurance brokerage of David, Bateman and Nugent. He had an entire floor in this building.
I remember the governor of Rhode Island, John Chafee, coming over to the house constantly.
He had fought as an officer with the Marines in Korea, like my father, and Governor Chafee was also my father’s lawyer. I remember vaguely the Cuban Missile Crisis, when my father, then a major, was recalled from the reserves to active duty.
My maternal grandfather was then in charge of civil defense programs for the State of Rhode Island. My father was in 1968 and 1972 the chairman of the Nixon-Agnew campaign in the state, and he himself was the Republican nominee for governor in 1974. We attended Central Congregational Church, the high-society church. We were a very Establishment, connected family. My brother and I attended elite prep schools. My father took courses at the Naval War College in Newport, Rhode Island, and we ate the banquet there some Sundays….
I knew that my father had high hopes for me…. and once found by accident in the coat closet, in a manila envelope, a confidential report about my IQ as measured by the Stanford-Binet-Wechsler test. It urged I be given a top education in view of the score and to avoid the boredom that would come from being around regular children.
Was my father then approached by some member of the military or CIA with the proposal that they take me away weekends for some “special, elite program”? I have no idea. I only know that I began having memories of my childhood after age ten, after I ran away from home. I ran eight miles without stopping, crossing from Rumford in East Providence, Rhode island through the city of Providence to North Providence, running along the highway 146. I was not fleeing my parents but something else, and having made my point, I stopped running and asked a nice lady to call home for me. I had made my point, I was taken out of the elite prep school, and we moved to another town. It was time for a change of scenery, and I think whatever was happening ended.
I only remember this, as stated above: my mother gave me once a blue pill and the whole world began swirling around my head. I ran outside and collapsed in the grass. then I saw that vicious old man with his boots, crushing those baby birds into mush before my eyes. And that is a classic MK-ULTRA technique.
The point is to engender such terror that the child’s personality splits, and then train him for some task his conscious mind is unaware of.
Was mine to be a puppet US senator, or a puppet president of the United States, under the control of MK-ULTRA? If so, they failed. I rebelled and left the program. Coming from a famous family, they decided perhaps that they could not just kill me.
I know it involved horrific sexual abuse, because I passed out four times when certain images surprised me, such as (twice) diagrams of male anatomy at Georgetown University, an infomercial on late-night tv on the healthy prostate, and finally during a routine medical exam to show I had no STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). The doctor touched me in a private area to get a swab sample and I passed out totally and instantly while standing, not even collapsing slowly. “Out like a light before I hit the floor,” as they say. I “came to” five minutes later as EMTs broke open the third packet of smelling salts. I will never forget the look on their faces, that of a pleasant fellow with dark sideburns and an attractive bottle blonde who looked quite concerned. I doubt they had ever been called to a doctor’s office for a patient fainting during a routine physical. I remember also that, as with my nightmares, I was literally bathed in sweat.
In 2002 I saw two movies dealing with adults who had been abused as kids, and both changed my life, the Robin Williams indie movie “One Hour Photo”
….and “‘Antwone Fisher” with Denzel Washington.
After each movie, I had an eerie feeling, as if something was moving down in the basement of my mind. Something wanted OUT.
But it was still in that lock box and it still is in there today. I can only say that I know generically what it must be. The clincher was when I read a Boston Globe newspaper article about a kid who hanged himself after being molested by the infamous Catholic priest John Geoghan, who had molested 130 boys in Boston.
This brave and noble prisoner, Joseph Druce, strangled him to death — for ruining the lives of 130 trusting Christian children — at the maximum-security prison in Shirley, Massachusetts in 2003. He should get a medal. I have corresponded with Druce, who was molested himself as a kid.
After reading the Globe article about the kid who had hanged himself (the Catholic church was attacking him and his family with vicious rumors and detectives going around, spreading around that the boy and his family were gold-diggers), I suddenly felt a gigantic urge to go for a walk on Winthrop Beach. (Photo: Boston in the background)
I am usually a very cheery guy and I shake off my problems, plus the Marines inculcate “you can handle anything.” So I walked along in the sunny, salty air, the breeze in my face, admiring the beauty of a sparkling Massachusetts Bay.
And with a big smile on my face — with God as my witness — I began to sob.
My second personality was saying “Enough! No happy talk! Now you listen to ME!” Never before had I seen this other part of me, but others had seen it when I got angry and my eyes got huge and wild like a hunted beast that turns and charges the hunter. I can only say to anyone who was in my boat, so to speak: “Get help.” Why did I wait 49 years? My nightmares ended instantly at least, though I still do not know what happened or who did it. Because my first therapist told me mine was the worst case she had ever seen — she did a relaxation hypnosis technique that totally failed to calm me as she tried to revisit any of the incidents, and I began screaming to blow the roof off the house — I assume it was a highly professional, expert CIA program of the most extreme abuse. Did I see children murdered? Was I forced to kill a kitten or puppy, or even a baby? Lord God Almighty, I hope not. But this is what these fiends in our government do — force children into evil, making them complicit. It is no different from guys in Iraq or Afghanistan who have ended up killing women and children. I had the same PTSD as men who have come back from combat.
The fact that I can recall nothing indicates I was not supposed to ever know. But what I do know certainly suffices, knowing that it was twisted and wrong, and I am proud I broke free. Maybe an angel was watching over me so I would never find out. The next form of therapy I took, cognitive behavioral therapy, does not wallow anyway in what happened back then, focussing only on the here and now.
And now on to David Duke.
In my close dealings with him 1989-90 and 2006-09, I sometimes found him strangely listless and “not all there.” The brain was working, but he seemed soulless. In the summer of 2006, I discussed him with a mutual friend name Bob Hoy, who had known Duke for 25 years and had actually gotten him to enter politics in 1988. Hoy listened pensively to my story of my own repressed memories, then said suddenly:
“Let me tell you a strange story.” It was related to his then mail-order bride business connecting American bachelors and single Russian girls. Hoy was in Moscow and so was Duke, on the prowl as usual for women. “Anyway, I went over to his hotel room to meet with him one morning, and … this is gonna sound strange … he had no idea who he was, or who I was, or that we were in Moscow.”
“Was he drinking?”
“Oh no! Duke is not much of a drinker and it was early morning anyway. No, he was just spaced out, like in another mode or being another person, bewildered, not aware of who he was, or me, or Moscow.”
A comrade emailed me he enjoyed the blog and told me about abuse in his own childhoody. I replied:
I am glad I deducted the MK-ULTRA thing because it drove me crazy how a US Marine officer who loved me could let someone else molest his kid. This was a man with five notches on his .38 Detective Special Smith and Wesson pistol, used in Korea, each notch from shooting a Chinese man dead in the trenches.
It has to be a program whose details are never divulged, and that exactly is the purpose of the hyper-trauma, so the kids cannot recount what has happened to him and the training is compartmentalized.
Any â€žnormalâ€œ rape or molestation is usually rememberable. It has to be hyper-trauma that is blocked out, and put in a lock box. The technical term is dissociation, and the concept works. I still have no idea what happened. But endless violent nightmares told me somethingÂ horrible DID.
I am sorry you were never able to help your father with healing from the abuse he underwent. 57 was way too young to pass on! Maybe he is proud of you now. Â 😉